A lonely, yet content mall security guard is about to have his life turned upside down. He never anticipated finding a soul mate, and in a short period of time learns the joy and pain that love brings. He recounts his tale in a series of journal entries in this modern day tragedy.
_____________________
August 12, 2005
There are things in life; unexplainable things that make us act out of character. Some of these things are fears, men acting brave to overcome fear, or the fear of looking cowardly. Other things are love, people acting out their feelings or just trying to gain acceptance. My thing was a girl. A girl I never met before, and will probably never meet again, yet I was not myself today because of her; and this journal just goes to show what I mean.
First off, allow me to introduce myself…I am you. You will probably remember writing this, but just in case you do not, it was me, which in turn is you. The reason why we are writing this is so we don’t ever forget. What shouldn’t we forget you ask? And, if you did ask that then this is the exact reason why I am writing out of character for myself. Listen to myself, I am rambling. The important thing is that I never forget her and what happened to me today.
Well, let me remind you exactly where you are in life when you wrote this. I am thirty two years old, I have been working as a security guard in the local mall for the past four years, and my father died just seven months ago. Those are pretty much the only events I can report, each of them, not really holding any significance. I do not know how old I am now looking back on this, but thirty two has been a good age for me so far. My job, what can I say about my job, it’s the best a guy like me can get. Not to sound like a bad thing, I take my job very seriously, but unfortunately, I am not taken seriously. As far as my father passing away, sure I was upset, but we were never that close, and grew apart over the years. The only thing he left me was a handgun, which I keep tucked away in my closet. I do not like guns nor do I really want it, in fact the only reason why I was left a gun in my father’s will was for one last chance for him to show his disappointment in me. At holiday dinners he would poke jabs such as, “you wear a uniform, but you are not a real cop, where is your gun?” or “why don’t you stop embarrassing yourself and become a man.” It is always good to have a reminder of exactly why we grew apart.
Enough about me, it is time to recall the girl so that I can remember her always. My day started off like every other day. I am a creature of habit, all my days are pretty much the same, I would describe them to you, but knowing myself the way I do, I can imagine that wherever you are now in life, your days are the same. Work was moving along like all those before it until I saw a girl shoplifting. I say girl, but she was in her twenties, but she had this odd way about her. When I saw her I couldn’t do anything, I was just struck in awe, I stood there and I watched. I was neglecting my job, I watched her look around, which I have been trained to spot. I watched her grab a porcelain elephant off Mr. Zhang’s collectibles cart, and I watched her shove it in her jacket pocket. Mr. Zhang, who may be the oldest living person, did not notice her, so she was in the clear, except that I saw her, and it was my duty to confront her, but I was still frozen. I still can not explain what happened to me, but what I did next is even more confusing. As it turns out I was not the only one who saw her. A shopper noticed her and grabbed her arm. It was a businessman looking fellow, with a suit, tie and loafers, the real deal. He squeezed her arm and shook her, forcefully thrusting his hand into her jacket pocket and removing the elephant. This is when I unfroze.
I ran over to the two and the man immediately let go of her arm. That’s when she looked at me, she just stood there, not trembling, not saying a word, just slowly raised her head and stared into my eyes. I was lost in her eyes for a moment, they were striking. As bright as blue can get, but filled with sorrow. I could not say a word, so I just placed my hand on her should and gestured for her to walk with me towards the security office. I took the elephant from the man’s outstretched hand and nodded at him, giving him the sense that he has done his good deed for the day. All the while Mr. Zhang paid no mind to what was going on; he just stayed consumed in his cup of tea, gazing off into the nearby toy store. On our way to the security office I stopped, and she turned around to see why I stopped walking. Her head quickly turned toward an exit that I stopped in front of, but I could tell she had no intent on running. She once again just stared into my eyes. Neither of us said a word, I am not sure how long the two of us just stood there; I lost track of time. I then slowly lifted my hand to hers and placed the elephant into her palm and closed her fingers around it. No words were exchanged, but she knew exactly what I was unable to say. She slowly turned and started for the door, glancing back at me as if to say thank you but never uttering the words.
That is the event I never want to forget. She was amazing; she had a control over me. I felt like I have never felt before, in a matter of moments I felt no control, then complete control then complete complacency. Her face has been permanently etched into my mind, and those eyes, almost haunting, I can still see them. What was she all about, why a porcelain elephant, who was she, and why did I just let her walk away. I feel like we were meant to meet. I am the furthest from a spiritual person, but I felt a connection. They say every person in life has a soul mate, a person out there who you are meant to be with. I think I just stared mine in the eyes, gave her an elephant and let her walk out of my life.
_____________________
August 12, 2005
There are things in life; unexplainable things that make us act out of character. Some of these things are fears, men acting brave to overcome fear, or the fear of looking cowardly. Other things are love, people acting out their feelings or just trying to gain acceptance. My thing was a girl. A girl I never met before, and will probably never meet again, yet I was not myself today because of her; and this journal just goes to show what I mean.
First off, allow me to introduce myself…I am you. You will probably remember writing this, but just in case you do not, it was me, which in turn is you. The reason why we are writing this is so we don’t ever forget. What shouldn’t we forget you ask? And, if you did ask that then this is the exact reason why I am writing out of character for myself. Listen to myself, I am rambling. The important thing is that I never forget her and what happened to me today.
Well, let me remind you exactly where you are in life when you wrote this. I am thirty two years old, I have been working as a security guard in the local mall for the past four years, and my father died just seven months ago. Those are pretty much the only events I can report, each of them, not really holding any significance. I do not know how old I am now looking back on this, but thirty two has been a good age for me so far. My job, what can I say about my job, it’s the best a guy like me can get. Not to sound like a bad thing, I take my job very seriously, but unfortunately, I am not taken seriously. As far as my father passing away, sure I was upset, but we were never that close, and grew apart over the years. The only thing he left me was a handgun, which I keep tucked away in my closet. I do not like guns nor do I really want it, in fact the only reason why I was left a gun in my father’s will was for one last chance for him to show his disappointment in me. At holiday dinners he would poke jabs such as, “you wear a uniform, but you are not a real cop, where is your gun?” or “why don’t you stop embarrassing yourself and become a man.” It is always good to have a reminder of exactly why we grew apart.
Enough about me, it is time to recall the girl so that I can remember her always. My day started off like every other day. I am a creature of habit, all my days are pretty much the same, I would describe them to you, but knowing myself the way I do, I can imagine that wherever you are now in life, your days are the same. Work was moving along like all those before it until I saw a girl shoplifting. I say girl, but she was in her twenties, but she had this odd way about her. When I saw her I couldn’t do anything, I was just struck in awe, I stood there and I watched. I was neglecting my job, I watched her look around, which I have been trained to spot. I watched her grab a porcelain elephant off Mr. Zhang’s collectibles cart, and I watched her shove it in her jacket pocket. Mr. Zhang, who may be the oldest living person, did not notice her, so she was in the clear, except that I saw her, and it was my duty to confront her, but I was still frozen. I still can not explain what happened to me, but what I did next is even more confusing. As it turns out I was not the only one who saw her. A shopper noticed her and grabbed her arm. It was a businessman looking fellow, with a suit, tie and loafers, the real deal. He squeezed her arm and shook her, forcefully thrusting his hand into her jacket pocket and removing the elephant. This is when I unfroze.
I ran over to the two and the man immediately let go of her arm. That’s when she looked at me, she just stood there, not trembling, not saying a word, just slowly raised her head and stared into my eyes. I was lost in her eyes for a moment, they were striking. As bright as blue can get, but filled with sorrow. I could not say a word, so I just placed my hand on her should and gestured for her to walk with me towards the security office. I took the elephant from the man’s outstretched hand and nodded at him, giving him the sense that he has done his good deed for the day. All the while Mr. Zhang paid no mind to what was going on; he just stayed consumed in his cup of tea, gazing off into the nearby toy store. On our way to the security office I stopped, and she turned around to see why I stopped walking. Her head quickly turned toward an exit that I stopped in front of, but I could tell she had no intent on running. She once again just stared into my eyes. Neither of us said a word, I am not sure how long the two of us just stood there; I lost track of time. I then slowly lifted my hand to hers and placed the elephant into her palm and closed her fingers around it. No words were exchanged, but she knew exactly what I was unable to say. She slowly turned and started for the door, glancing back at me as if to say thank you but never uttering the words.
That is the event I never want to forget. She was amazing; she had a control over me. I felt like I have never felt before, in a matter of moments I felt no control, then complete control then complete complacency. Her face has been permanently etched into my mind, and those eyes, almost haunting, I can still see them. What was she all about, why a porcelain elephant, who was she, and why did I just let her walk away. I feel like we were meant to meet. I am the furthest from a spiritual person, but I felt a connection. They say every person in life has a soul mate, a person out there who you are meant to be with. I think I just stared mine in the eyes, gave her an elephant and let her walk out of my life.
